Helping the carer - AFrhn

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Helping the carer

Disclaimer : This will only be a glimpse of what is happening/what happened in my life.

So, during the new year's eve, Atok was warded due to some on-going complications, for a few months everything went downhill. This whole Atok being warded was really challenging both for me and Atok.

I admit that there are times when I am at my lowest but I had to mask everything in front of everyone especially in front of my Atok. Anyway, this post is just to help you to help the carer. 

1- Ask them how they are ; Although the person that is sick is not them, the act of you caring for the carer means a lot to them. A simple "hang okay?" would be enough. This part I have to thank my family members, that special someone, one of my high school juniors and also my childhood best-friends. I was having a hard time juggling between travelling to hospital-work (basically for nearly four months, I was sleeping at the hospital), these people are the only people that bothered to spend a potion of their time to constantly asking how am I. Thank you. 

For the carer themselves ;

2- Find a person that you can tell stuff ; I kept a lot of things bottled up, that is bad. I pretended to be okay babe when at work, in front of people, but I wasn't okay. I am not advising you to tell EVERYONE about what is happening, that few people is already enough. Keeping things bottled up will really drain you. You will feel excessively tired and that is not good for your mental health. 

3- Cry if you want ; Cry because there are things that you need to cry about. But do not cry in front of the patient, that will make them sad and will make them feel that they are actually a burden for you because they are not.

4- Take good care of yourself ; Because you need to take care of your loved one, you must take care of yourself first. I decided to take unpaid leaves (thank you to my employee for being so supportive and understanding and also to my team mates) because I could feel my self was drifting away, I was okay at the office, meeting clients, meeting customers, and my relationship with my co-workers are also fine, but deep down, I wasn't okay. I had to stop over at the RnR for naps because I was so tired I wasn't able to open my eyes while driving. I kept on skipping my lunch because I needed sleep so badly during my breaks. On top of that, things were not going well with Atok. 

Please keep the faith. Allah takkan menguji kita kalau kita tak  mampu. One day when everything is fine, you will look back and feel that you have done everything you could. Semua  ni ada hikmah okay?

Love yourself, dear carer. And you need to constantly love the person you are taking care of. 

After all the operations, countless tears and countless laughs, Atok is already out. And we came out from the hospital with a lot of memories both good and bad, we ended having close relationships with the nurses, the doctors, the attendants. Things are not 100% okay, but insyaAllah things will be better. If its not better, its not the end right?

If you are reading this and you are a carer yourself, may Allah ease everything for you. Please spare some doas for my Atok as well (: 

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