My 2018 - AFrhn

Friday, January 04, 2019

My 2018

Hello 2019 (walaupun benda ni publish hari ketiga dalam 2019, but not too bad memandangkan I pernah publish entri pasal kejadian setahun yg lepas). The reason why I am posting this entry is probably because I want to be reminded later on in my life about 2018 in a nutshell. I read my own blog anyway.

1/ Started off my year with Atok in the hospital. I have talked too much about Atok being in the hospital but it was definitely an experience that I won't forget until the day I die. Sabarlah anakku nanti emak mu akan cerita benda ni berulang kali kepadamu. I am glad I took care of Atok, I am glad that I did everything that I could for her and I am glad I was there for her. 

Jaga orang sakit ada masa tak senang sebab tu pahala jaga orang sakit banyak. Kalau lah ada yg baca entri ni dan tengah jaga orang sakit, kalau ada masa yg hampa rasa penat, buaaang ja penat tu jauh jauh sebab masa kita kecik dulu lagi kita mengada teruk okay, depa sabaq ja jaga kita. 

2/ Things happened, I now realised that my circle is definitely getting smaller. When I was younger (because I am still young k), I need a lot of friends and I couldn't imagine myself losing any of my friends. Especially in 2018, I realised that I have lost a lot of friends along the way. Probably they left me or in most cases, I was the one who left. I told this to someone, dan dia cakap "baguih la tak ramai kawan, dengan ekonomi la ni, hang boleh save duit masa kenduri hang. Tak payah jemput ramai ramai" #PemikiranOrangKaya2019

3/ I wish I could share what happened but nope I'll leave it. Anyway, after stuff happened, I am now working on something with a lot of ideas in mind, and also with a partner. Secured a project and alsoo I am officially contributing to a well known website which I will share later on kot. Rezeki orang lain-lain. What I have now are probably the things that you don't have, but there are stuff in your life that I probably have been wanting it for so long. God is fair.

4/ The saddest highlight of my 2018 is ; losing my Atok in this dunia (she will always be in my heart). It has been months but the pain hasn't gone away, and the fact that I am missing her all the time is not helping. 

If I were to put my feelings into words, this caption from Kamal Effendi to his late wife in which I quote "So odd that from the very back of my mind, I still feel like I am waiting you to come back. As if I have so much to catch up, to tell, or possibly for you to listen to many things I have in my mind clouding up my thought on these days" is exactly what I am feeling.

Oh and a PSA, I am talking on behalf of the people that have been DM-ing me mengadu benda sama dekat I and also on behalf of myself. If you know someone that is still grieving or post grieving, don't ever ever go and say "takpa weh, redha, move on. Aku dulu pun macam hang, aku move on." The thing is, we redha dah lama dah, kalau tak redha, I'll be dekat kubur dah meraung kenapa tak ambik I sekali. And you don't know how close they were, people move on bila dia rasa nak move on la. Tapi bagi I, I can't see myself moving on from this pain but I learn how to live with this pain.

I think that is all that I want to share. Berjumpa lagi kita di entri yg lain, semoga entri yg lain tu bukan lah entri untuk recap 2019 pulak. Hehehehehe


Hanis Amanina said...

Jaga org sakit mmg sangat perlu kesabaran. My boss selalu ingatkan penjaga2 yg jaga family members kat ward (especially yg long term patient) untuk mintak tukar2 dgn ahli keluarga lain so that dia pun tak sakit sekali T_T

amlnafrhn said...

@Hanis Amanina ha'ah awak. Masa fully jaga arwah dulu, penat pun kena ingatkan sebab kesian kt arwah. Mana yg mampu kita buatkan ja (: